Numb
I sit in my own painting
I’m thousands of worldly expressions
Priceless to one I hang hopelessly
I’m an impression of smooth lines
Colorful to all I aim to please
Drawn to my viewers I stare
Join me in the canvas of enlightenment
Scream of nothing
A splash of lightning crosses right through me
Suffocating underground I had no time to flee
Jolting everyway I can’t seem to move out
Screaming for hours not a soul hears my shout
The nothingness I feel has terrified me real slow
No one to talk to I can’t imagine where to go
How long have I been here and what is the time
Is this a life sentence or an eternity of crime
Shout to my inner self
Brown is equivalent to shit
You’re a lying piece of brown
Name the time and place and I’ll back you up
Thirty million people live under blankets
I live under a yellow sewn quilt
I live under trees and never fail to manipulate others in any way
Go away and leave me alone forever
All of you
Half a century ago I wasn’t born but three decades ago
Don’t love me tender but love me always
Don’t love me sweet, please
Mom can you hear me
I need some serious mental help
I really distrust men who are slime ball perverts
They need a lot of pussy
Cool off and chill out for yourself and I
Two hundred and fifty seven days- go to jail free card
I’m going home forever and ever
Smile
Nothing goes wrong with a smile
Diving in the deep waves
Frowning gives you a headache for awhile
Occasionally moodiness happens
Tears with sadness is painful branches
A quilt of colors is love to the skin
Deep thoughts of thinking can fill many ranches
Blue Monday already- can’t wait till Friday
So I can be happy
Today I cleaned my house
So I can be happy
Today I did laundry
So I can be happy
Today I made dinner
So I can be happy
Today I showered
So I can be happy
Today I watched TV
So I can be happy
Today I organized
So I can be happy
Today is the usual
I’m still pretty happy
The tears
only the dreaded walls
laughing and mocking at
me are worse than the
tears consoling me as a
psychological counselor
fears that those tears
would never come and
the walls taking a huge
masculine role practically
suffocated me
Under Humility
Cuts so deep you can find
scars through endless
galaxies
Frowned on, spit on, laughed
at, ridiculed, kicked at,
turned away from and
unloved
Under humility is a step
forward to sympathizing
Pain
Verge of insanity
I place my head in the oven
This fleshy train will barricade
When I cope I smother sadly
The heat singes my hairs
There’s no terms to my edge
I’m satisfied with my final race
Why am I sad?
I never realized the pit of my tear
Its really uncontrollable- very hard to steer
I over think constantly and flush away joy
Staying away from the world so blatantly coy
I hurt myself by being galaxies away
Putting on a play where I’m singing and gay
I act as though I’m in shambles and weak
Really I’m scared because I’m the actual freak
I give up easily and put out no fight
One bad mistake then I lose all of my sight
I suddenly turn mime when heated emotions flare
Looking down with exhaust with no eye to eye stare
No work out there measures up to my taste
Challenges I need -not endless hours to waste
Will I ever be ready to actually accept this one man?
This is my main tear- do I keep or do I ban?
Devastating
With only an empty heart
and only a half a beat
to it
Two unmatched socks and
drenched tissues all over
the floor
Oh the slouch in the shoulders
gave me away like the front
tooth missing
Even the deepest cave wouldn’t
shelter me in- the bats all flew
me out
Cussing exclamation words I
found my world in a dog no
one wanted
His chin on my left toe warmed
me up better than anything I’ll
ever feel again
Emotional Fool
A towel size of Texas could not dry up my tears
For there’s much sensitivity in my pain and fears
I weep at movies when genuine love is sparked bright
Or at natural togetherness when we play through the night
A gift from the heart can water up the waterfall of eyes
Or the bridge of deception that webbed some terrible lies
Pain in a loved one is an arrow right through my heart
Fool I seem to be with emotions running amuck falling apart
Fear mask
I wear my mask in denying fear
Behind these smiles cries many a tear
I want to explode and have energy like long ago
To turn these aches and pains far down below
I want my joy real without acting plastic
My patience remains calm when everything’s so quick
I pronounce to the world I’m shattered clear glass
One you can see through but tinted in the mass
Just a mere raindrop in an ocean full of gulp
Floating my anguish as the lemon sweet pulp
Fear never again for my body is my throne
An attempt so pleasing it actually releases all moan
FREAK UGLY I AM
I’m a dreadful pale with no color to my face
what a disgrace to my beautiful race
make-up only makes it worse
I swear I was born with an ugly curse
people say nothing to me, I barely speak
it’s probably because I’m an ugly freak
those are idiots who are ten times as mean
gawking names and staring like I’m not keen
the public world makes me sick
going out once a week always happens quick
Fruit
I’m deformed and bruised on the ground
Not in the hands of some happy new bound
Heat is taking away my roots of cold water
Not even fed like a sprung out old otter
Over ripe I turn and mushy gross brown
Didn’t even travel in a bin to next town
What a life I lead to never be touched
Shooken from the branch, not once clutched
HISTORY
My self worth went way down hill
No longer did I fight-- I had no will
I can’t pick up the time I lost
Everything’s melted then turned to frost
I gave up and didn’t even talk
Rather I died and turned in a rock
I want to be alone
I want to stay home so just leave me alone
You can write me a letter or call me by phone
But I’m not leaving my house cuz I need to catch up
Pick up some clothes, a plate and even a cup
So much more that I can’t name them all
If they’re not done then I’ll go way awol
Please just leave and just let me be
I want a day where I’m independent and free
So go right now without me by your side
Much more of this and our heads will collide
Memory brick road
I tried to push him
off memory brick road
he’d get back on
trying to understand
this or that making it
a sitcom TV show
instead of pushing I try
to relive his memories
and understand why he
holds on to the burdens
of being a child and
his disastrous family
MY BATTLE WITH NO CURE
At moments end I can not speak
My mouth is dry and I’m pretty weak
I hug my family, they know I smell
Wish someone would throw me in a deep blue well
All flashbacks come knowing I’ll be gone
Hoping all remember me as true and really fond
This deadly disease will soon fine a cure
Till the day comes here, all scientists are unsure
MY INSECURITIES
my stupidity is really really dumb
the brain amount of space is equivalent to my thumb
i wonder if i have been born with an ill
always overreacting-- not taking time to chill
impatience is one really big weakness of mine
slow waitresses make me sick when i go out and dine
i even say stuff that hurts another bad
making our relationships sometimes sad
don’t think of me evil, just think of me lost
I’m the annoying piece of meat stuck when you floss
My tears
My tears are for those who are happy in life
Married for years as husband and wife
My tears are for those who live once again
A hermit once sad- living lonely in a den
My tears are for those who speak with guts
Unlike so many who are always in ruts
My tears are for those who appreciate good things
Like Oprah’s cool X-mas show of merry time rings
My tears are for those who are chosen for a makeover
No longer feeling like their dog spot or rover
My tears are for those who share tears with me
For always knowing that love and happiness is free
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